Clowns Not Allowed

17 weeks exactly

"....clown has tried to abduct children in four separate incidences." I woke up to a news anchor with a squeaky voice reporting on a man who has tried to lure children on the West and South sides with candy as he is dressed as a clown while driving a white van with broken windows.

Have I not told people for years that clowns are bad news? Any man (they are mostly men), that needs to put on heavy makeup, loose clothing and a wig to be around little children has something not right in their mind (this includes Michael Jackson). I have never liked clowns. I have, in fact, have a phobia of them. All I know is what I was told by my mother. When I was 6 months old, she took me to the circus and a clown came up to me to play with me. She said I began to scream and cry like I was being murdered and this in turn scared the clown off. Since then I don't like Ronald McDonald, Bozo, Cookie, circus clowns, carnival clowns, Insane Clown Posse, the movie "Killer Clowns" or Bobo the clown. There are three exceptions, however - Homey the clown and Krusty the clown, and the Joker but that's because they make me laugh and one I have seen without makeup, the other is a cartoon and the Joker is such a bad ass.

Anyway, so what do clowns have to do with this baby blog? Let me tell you. Cesar asked me many years ago if I would ever take our future kids to the circus. I immediately said no even though I have been called a clown by several people throughout the years for my silly outbursts and my smart ass remarks. Now, that I am with child will I change my mind?

If my wide-eyed, little child comes to me in their cute little sneakers and awed expression after seeing a commercial and asks me, "Mama, can we go to da circus, plees mama?" will I turn to lil' Cesar or lil' Cyn and say, "No, young one. I am afraid of those evil, serial killer, child predators, something-is-so-wrong-with-them with their large red shoes, matching plush nose that looks like a cut out Nerf ball and colorful, frizzy hair with strands that reach out like Medusa's snakes"? Will I really turn them down and hinder their growth, making them afraid of something they want to explore?

I will muster all my strength, be brave during this time of overcoming my fear and instead lovingly embrace my child, and with courage and bravery I will sweetly say, "Sure, baby. Your father will take you,"