A Newborn, A Newport and a New Rack

Vivi 2 1/2 weeks old

"It's gas," she said as I held Vivi in my arms. The cool air in the room, enveloped my newborn and made her quiver. Her bottom lip trembled and I wrapped the blanket tightly around her. Dr. Newport would now be in my new mommy circle of contacts along with the Poison Control Center, recall websites, and babycenter.com. She was a tall woman. Lean with a shag of blonde hair that sat quietly and looked like it had just been cut. The bangs perfect. She was good with Vivi. When she checked her, placing the cold stethoscope on her bare chest and back, Vivi whimpered and began to cry. Dr. Newport quickly picked her up, bounced her in her arms and Vivi fell silent. Her big gray eyes checking this new person out. It was at this moment, that Vivi smiled her huge smile, revealing pinkish gums, hidden gems yet to appear. She closes her eyes when she smiles, her defined, thin eyebrows, raise a bit adding character to her already vibrant personality. "When she smiles, is she really smiling or is it gas?" I asked. Dr. Newport reported that it is most likely gas, but that many mothers like to believe that when babies smile, they are smiling at the angels. A much more romantic way of looking at it.

I have not two, but four girls now in my life. Vivi, Olivia and the two that sit at attention, ready to salute, in my shrinking bra. I was asked how they are (yes, girls talk about stuff like this). I answered, "They hurt like hell, but they look fabulous." They have grown to a D cup and during the last few days, it feels more like I have enormous DD batteries coming out of my chest. Solid lumps, sharp pain as if I am being stabbed from the inside of them, was all I felt for the last few days. This is called "engorgement" when the milk is finally coming in. I am a walking Oberweiss factory. I suddenly feel for all the cows out there, who get pumped over and over again, day in and day out. When I pump, I feel like eating some hay and putting myself on display at the farm exhibit at the zoo next to the incubator with the chickens being born.

I wish they would stay looking this way. I am of average size before all of these changes and they will go back to that size when I am done using them as a source of food and I will say this - they will be missed. Not the pain part of course. I have woken up in the middle of the night to find myself holding on to them and not in a good way. With my bra soaked through because I leaked, with the lumps ramming into each other, as though someone is inside of my breasts playing marbles during recess. After pumping with a very loud yet effective pump, that sounds like I am flying a double engine B-25 aircraft, they feel much better and they look even better. Not that I stare mind you, but imagine waking up to find a body part of yours is much bigger than you had always known it to be (don't tell me what body part you are thinking of, please).

Trust me, you would stare too.